Enjoying What You’ve Got
Balancing the tension of gratitude and potential loss
Earlier this week, I found myself walking behind one of our cancer patients on campus during my daily walk. He was an older gentleman, looking to be well into his 70s or 80s, whose slow gait was aided by a walker. One of his feet was in a boot, one that looked very similar to the one I lived in for months when I fractured my own foot. As he slowly crawled along the walking path, I thought, “I love that he’s enjoying, or at least using, what he’s got.”
He could easily be using a wheelchair to make things easier for himself, but instead he was walking, using his limited walking capabilities. As someone who works with the aging population, I am acutely aware of the data around mobility and aging being heavily tied to continuing to use our bodies despite their limits.
Seeing his vigor, despite clear physical limitations, both inspired me and made me acutely aware that one day in the not-too-distant future, that will be me.
And thus, gratitude and worry hang in the balance.
It made me more aware of and grateful for my own healthy legs and ability to move about freely. But it also struck me hard with the reality that this is just a temporary state of being and I, too, will be affected by aging.
A Story of Wildfires
I feel the same way watching the wildfires unfold in Los Angeles, albeit on a much grander scale. My husband used to live in L.A., and so we know a fair amount of people affected by the fires there. And nearly every one of those friends knows multiple people who lost their homes and everything in them.
As I watch this situation unfold, I am filled with a mixture of immense empathy and sadness for those who have lost everything, deep levels of gratitude for my own current safety and well-being, and real concern that I am just one bad fire event from that happening to me too.
I live in Seattle, an area that has traditionally been far enough away from the wildfires in the mountains to only be affected by smoke. But as we have seen, many of us who traditionally haven’t been affected by major weather-related disasters are now at real risk.
What do you do in the face of tragedies of death, loss, and destruction, whether that be the loss of our physical bodies’ strength or the loss of entire homes and communities?
How to Make it Through the Storms
First, we mourn. If you are struck with sadness at witnessing another’s loss, you mourn alongside them. You mourn their loss. You mourn all of your potential vulnerabilities as a human. You mourn whatever is making you feel challenging emotions about the situation.
Second, we turn to the people who give us strength. We either find or become those offering emotional, physical, and spiritual support. We find those who have gone through a similar thing to show us how to walk the path of grief. We remember that even if and when the worst thing happens – whether our parents die or we lose our homes – there is almost always a way forward eventually. So many have gone before us to show us that. And even we have been incredibly resilient ourselves. Remembering this is good.
Third, we find where the good is happening. The news is filled with so much negative – the greed of corporations driving climate change, the pull-back of insurers leaving homeowners helpless. But there is also so much good out there. GoFundMes that are raising large amounts of money to help others rebuild. People opening their homes to provide for those in need right now. It doesn’t by any means take away from the devastation, but it does remind us that there are so many humans doing good in the face of tragedy. In fact, nearly everyone I have walked with through immense grief of losing a loved one has said they were most surprised by how much love and goodness poured into their lives in the midst of their grief.
Finally, we ground ourselves in gratitude when we are ready. Being thankful we still have our lives, even if we lost our homes. Being thankful we have our homes, even if our friends lost theirs. Gratitude can feel insensitive or rude in the face of loss, but it is often how we combat despair and then offer up what we do have to those who are hurting. If you are the one experiencing loss, this comes much, much later. But almost everyone who has lost something or someone dear to them says that at a certain point, there is a gratefulness or love enmeshed in their grief. And for those supporting others through grief or witnessing it, it’s ok to also feel grateful for what you do have.
Present Minded Thinking – Enjoy What You’ve Got
I think the best way to combat fear and despair when watching loss unfold is to focus on what you do have right now, and enjoy that. If you still have a home, wonderful. Enjoy it. If you have your mobility and healthy body, enjoy that. If you can walk but no longer run, enjoy that. And on and on and on. It’s the very best we can do – live in what we have and enjoy what we’ve got whether that’s love, passion, dreams, the ability to help others. Enjoying doesn’t mean not mourning what we don’t have. It just means also enjoying what we do still have.
My prayers go out to those in L.A. and anyone else facing immense loss this week.