We just celebrated my youngest’s fifth birthday, which feels unreal to me. How do I have two big kids now? The time is flying.
Something I love about my son is that he finds joy in the simplest of things. He wholeheartedly lives the advice I give in this newsletter to invest in people and relationships. He sinks his joy and energy deeply into the relationships around him – his friends and family. And if you’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing him, you feel his deep, deep love and intense presence. When he is with you, you are all that matters.
When asked what he wanted for his birthday, with promises of big celebrations and booking a fun venue, he simply wanted to have his friends over to build Legos with him. He preferred a simple dinner at home so he could share his new toys with his sister and play together.
He gets how to have joy.
So many of us are waiting for more time, more money, more freedom, less chaotic external circumstances to find joy. But the best and only place to find it is right now.
Reclaiming joy in your current moment
Read nearly any “Top Advice from the Dying” lists, and you will find a common theme of regretting waiting to do things that you love. This is especially true among those facing serious illness. I have seen it time and time again. People work hard, save all their money for an imagined future where they will have a huge margin of time and money in retirement, but then they or their spouse gets sick, requiring a ton of care and limited mobility. And, so it seems, they are left with unrealized dreams.
Of course, if you should absolutely book the trip, do the scary thing, be with the people you love. But I’m here to tell you something else. I’m here to say you can do those things you love in imaginative ways. Joy is available to you, even if you are living in a constrained reality.
So often, we are waiting for huge chunks of time to realize our dreams of maybe writing a book; starting a business; or developing a new talent, skill, or hobby. But the truth is that all those things are achieved by taking tiny steps each and every day.
We might be waiting on the money to take that big trip to Europe or Asia, but the truth is that you can find adventure and travel in your own backyard. Plan a day trip or afternoon out to find something new in the area around you.
Some of us might be waiting to finally get another job or until the economy or our political landscape is less volatile to feel joy. But the dying accept that they must find joy where they are right now, because they aren’t sure how many more “todays” are left.
Rather than lament how we are unable to “carpe the diem” in the way we hope or imagine, think about one way you could claim joy in your very real, very limited, very present state.
Case studies of joy
I have seen many of the patients with whom I work do this so amazingly well. They face enormous physical limitations and often financial barriers to realizing their dreams, yet they find immense joy and meaning. So, what do they do?
They drill down deep to the core desire of those needs and find creative ways to fulfill them. If they want to go on a huge vacation, they figure out if it’s rest, adventure, or time with family they seek – and then they find creative ways to fulfill those desires. Maybe it’s visiting a local spa, doing a tiny day trip in a nearby town, or having a staycation with family.
Once they push through the grief of their current limitations, they find new freedom in re-discovering what they can and do want to pursue right now in their present reality.
A reflective exercise
Join in this exercise this week. Write down one to three things you want to do that are huge, pie in the sky dreams (could be take a trip to New Zealand, launch a coaching business, learn how to play the violin). The only rule is that it must be something pleasurable. Then, walk through these questions:
What is it about this dream that I am seeking? Is it to see a new place, go on an adventure, get out of my daily grind, escape my job? Write that down.
What is my barrier (time, money, relationships, etc.) to achieving this big dream?
How could I seek this in a smaller, more creative way?
Make it a goal to pursue that smaller thing in the next 90 days. Put it on the calendar and commit to finding simple joy right now.
Like my son, we can find immense joy in the simple act of building Legos with people we love. It doesn’t have to be complicated or grand; joy can be really, really simple. And all of us both deserve joy and can find it no matter what.
Events in March
I had the wonderful pleasure of giving a keynote at the Association of Cancer Center Administration conference in March in Seattle on managing uncertainty and cultivating hope during challenging times. It was a pleasure to talk on a subject near and dear to me to a wonderful group of leaders at cancer centers across the U.S. The message felt especially timely, and I loved all the feedback and engagement I got. Thank you, ACCA, for having me!
I also had the pleasure of co-leading a workshop on science communication at the Society of Behavioral Medicine’s annual conference in San Francisco alongside my fabulous colleagues. The need for good science communication is high right now, and it was great to hear about everyone’s exciting ideas!
If you or your organization are interested in having me speak (virtually or in person), I am booking the rest of 2025 and into 2026. Please feel free to check out more information on having me speak on my website!